What they don't teach you in school.

"Anything you can do, I can do better... I can do anything better than you..."

As far back as I can remember, I can recall the constant barrage from teachers and media that girls are equal to men. Not just equal in fact, but that we should embrace feminism, gender lines becoming far more hazy, and that women should strive for careers and prove they were "better" than men. I grew up with this concept that this was a competition, that men and women were on this race to prove whom was better. And it wasn't just in school, I recall this being so evident in tv and movies; successful women going to their office in their tennis shoes, keeping their heels in their purse, shoulder pads that reached their ears, and an obvious sense of pride and accomplishment on their faces.

What they never mentioned is that interpreting this message so literally could be more damaging to our gender roles rather than beneficial. I never really understood this up until a few years ago that I began to notice how feminism has in some ways actually affected our society negatively. Now please, don't misinterpret what I'm saying. Women have come a long way to be treated equally in the workplace and in general, and even so we still have a gap to fill. But by holding onto this notion so tightly, we've actually arrived to the point that 3 serious cons have developed.

The first is that girls that grow up with this "Sex in the City" mentality that men are unnecessary is very damaging to their overall sense of worth and view of their male counterparts. We are essentially physiologically built for companionship, so what is so wrong for admitting that we need each other? Girls grow up with this skewed mentality and arrive to adulthood already cynics of the male gender. Yes, we should always be careful but not to the point of cynicism. Whether we like it or not, we are dependent on each other not just for survival, but for an overall sense of security and for lack of a better term, for a sense of completion.

The second is that due to women taking such a prominent role in society, men have become lazy, acquiescent and disturbingly unchivalrous. In a previous blog I asked which came first, whether men's laziness had pushed women to become more dominant and/or aggressive or is it that women's actions have led men to become more lazy? I'm a true believer that it is the latter. And as my generation and the ones that come after grow older, we unfortunately have come to embrace this as the norm. But it should not be. The very act of being a gentleman has long gone and is seen very rarely. Which is why I act so surprised when a man consistently opens a door for me, pulls out a chair for me, walks on the outside of the sidewalk as a protective gesture, picks up the tab even though I dispute it. I shouldn't be acting surprised, but that's how society works now.

The third is that now the act of being a stay at home mom is frowned upon. This is probably the con that upsets me most because being in charge of several tiny brats all day while maintaining your household, cleaning and cooking, and still slapping on a smile when your husband gets home is one of the hardest jobs in the world. People underestimate the work that goes into raising children, especially when they're not at school age. Stay at home moms should be respected just as much as their career-driven counterparts. Yet somehow we lost sight of this when girls were urged to stop desiring to push a stroller and instead carry a briefcase.

We should continue embracing that men and women should be valued as equals but also must understand the fact that we are certainly not the same. As women we should value these hurdles we've faced but not undermine the fact that we continue to be women and should embrace and value it. It's ok to be vulnerable and sensitive. Also, we need men, whether we like to admit or not, and should not run from that fact. As for the men, they should begin to understand that women although seek to be valued as your equal, also just want to be treated like a lady. Do not acquiesce, it shows disinterest and apathy. Take charge, be masculine, and be chivalrous. Women will appreciate your courtesy and "manliness". And as difficult as it is to admit, you need us too.

It's easier said than done, to embrace gender roles if  you haven't in the past. But it should be a common goal, for all of us to understand that it's not a competition, we are not in a race, and I've finally come to embrace the concept that "I can do anything better with you."