take it or leave it.

We all have someone... one person... that sort of takes our breath away just by thinking about them or makes us nervous when they're in our presence. You fiddle with your hands, try to keep it together, and fumble your words as you converse.

He always has that ability to make me feel a little inappropriate. Like I'm being judged. Like I'm lacking something. Intellect, or accomplishments... I almost feel inferior when we're together. It's silly because I consider myself pretty bright and only really enjoy stimulating conversations anyway. So there's no reason why talking about his shoes or the restaurant he went to the night before would make me feel awkward. Maybe it's the 10 year difference between us that intimidated me? I'm almost not myself when I'm with him. I'm known to be vulgar and blunt and witty, yet with him I take a step back and become gentler around the edges. Every time he's in town, we look forward to seeing each other... sharing in our stories and happenstances, and embracing like time hasn't passed.

But this time around it was different. Maybe it's maturity or the obstacles I've endured the past couple of years since he and I had last seen each other, but I no longer felt that insecurity with him. I lifted the veil and was completely myself with him... for the very first time. We enjoyed each other's company as we always had, only this time along with feeling far more relaxed as we embraced, I saw our friendship for what it truly is and am relieved by that. I adore him, he's part of my history. I can't delete it nor would I want to. He helped shape my heart into its current mold. But a small part of me was holding onto an idea, a feeling, that no longer existed. Somewhere in between soft kisses and joking about the Jersey Shore kids, I learned this. I then also realized I had spent so much time in my youth trying to impress him that he never had gotten a chance to get to know who I really am. And that made me feel a little sad. I had prevented him from getting to know a pretty awesome chick because I had just been too concerned about his perception of me.

So to those of you whom have ever changed the way you are (even subconsciously) for fear of not impressing a particular individual, DON'T DO IT! You should love yourself, every inch of yourself, from head to toe. You are the most perfect version of you, flawed and all. And if that particular person just doesn't get it, they're not meant to be a part of your life anyway. Period.

So whether he likes it or not, he's getting all of Ailyn from now on. Hope that motherfucker can handle it.

lady love.

This past weekend we got to celebrate my brother's fiance's Bachelorette Party. Some of the most special women in my life joined us as we celebrated not just Annyah, but each other. Lots of corks popping, lots of glasses clinking, and lots of careful steps as we danced on tables.

I know it's frowned upon to take pictures on a night like this... no one needs proof of our misbehavior; but I don't think there was much out of norm for us that night anyway. ;)

I'm blessed to have such lovely, beautiful, silly and carefree ladies in my life. I love you all. I hope you had fun Annyah! 

<3

finger faces.

dope. 

the better to see you with.

Tonight I'm reminiscing about my favorite pair of sunglasses throughout 2010 and the stupid way that I lost them. God I loved them. They weren't even expensive. I was at American Eagle Outfitters, just waiting in line to pay, and happened to glance over to the rack of sunglasses. There were these gorgeous multi-colored glasses; the frame was several tones of teals, and blues, and bronze. I fell in love and we began our lovely courtship that day.

I took them everywhere. On my daily commute to work every morning. On my trip to Atlanta and Savannah. On my several trips to the Keys. We were inseparable. They framed my face comfortably, not marking my overly sensitive nose like other sunglasses tend to. We just understood each other. I thought we'd be together forever.

But tonight I reminisce on how a stupid careless move on my part, left them unguarded on the front seat of his car. I should've known better. He was a liar and a cheat... how could I trust him with something so dear to me? I called him soon after he left me at home and while talking to him, I realized the giant mistake I had just made. He denied the glasses were in his car.

Really??? He had lied about all kinds of shit... but lie about my sunglasses???

Unless they teleported into space during the walk from his car to my doorstep, they had to be there. I had been fiddling with them in his car while we argued for over an hour, keeping my nervous hands busy so they wouldn't find themselves punching him in the face.

In the end, I shrugged off my defeat. He won. He probably kept the glasses so he could give them to his other significant other. With sunglasses or not, that was the day I began to see clearly whom he really was.

But fuck I miss my glasses.

1.12.2011.

Today I finally felt brave enough to make this blog public. Up until today, I didn't feel it was ready. It felt too premature, too bland... and I can sometimes be a bit of a perfectionist. But after tweaking the main graphic for Laced Gumption enough until I was satisfied, I felt it was finally time to share this with friends and others.

I've been passing along the word this afternoon and I hope everyone receives this blog well. It will be my labor of love, as my old blog used to be, only this one will contain all kinds of goodies, including collaborations with dear friends in the near future. You'll have to stay tuned for that!

Feel free to visit often, I'll likely be updating whenever I have a mental fart, am upset, feeling elated, bored, anxious, while getting dressed, before I shower, etc. In other words, this will be a constantly evolving blog. Enjoy it, share your input, make suggestions. This is my home... you're welcome to sit back, kick off your shoes and relax. Stay a while and enjoy Laced Gumption.

Ailyn

my favorite song.

The weather today has been foggy, overcast and cold. Cold to the bones kind of cold. I went to class groggy and hungry. I missed breakfast. I don't recommend that. By noonish, I was still dragging. I hopped in my car, turned it on, and flipped through the radio stations as usual.

And then... my favorite song came on.

It's cheesy. I know it is. But this song undoubtedly wraps me with a kind of warmth and joy that I can't begin to describe. Maybe it's nostalgia. Or maybe it's the reggae beats with a pop twist. Who the hell cares. As it played, I sang along... really really loud.

Feel free to sing along too.

the aging process.

I spent an unhealthy amount of time researching facial moisturizers today.

I will admit that I neglect to care for my skin as I should. I don't cleanse everyday, unless you count soap and water when I shower and in the morning (please don't leave this as your only option, it dries your skin to sandpaper). I have an excellent frothy face wash from Origins that I don't use nearly enough. I do not exfoliate weekly as I should. This leaves my face available for all kinds of germy parties to take place in my pores. I haven't used a toner in a decade. Yes, a decade. I always felt it would rid my skin of essential oils... I've read otherwise lately. And by far my worst neglect are moisturizers and uv protection. I had oily skin growing up... not putting moisturizer on made "sense" to me.

But now I'm on the latter part of my 20's and have started to see (and feel) a change in my skin. Tightness after I wash it. Slight lines at the corners of my eyes when I smile. It looks dull. I look tired. I look OLD.

I never wear make up anywhere except when I go out at night... I was hoping to continue looking young enough into my 30's to continue this trend. It seems to me my plan may have to change a bit.

So today I spent an unhealthy amount of time researching facial moisturizers. I've come to the conclusion that this will not turn back the hands of time but at least it will help slow down the clock a bit.

Because there is no fucking way I'm going to start looking old this early.

let this absorb.

"if you look after goodness and truth, beauty will take care of itself."


amen to that.

feel like flying...

I whole-heartedly feel like hopping on a plane in the morning to somewhere... anywhere... and returning back home in time for my next class on Wednesday. Is this crazy?

I don't even want company. I just want to go somewhere far. By myself. And buy myself a drink. Have a long ridiculous conversation with a stranger. Walk on an unknown beach or leave tracks in the snow on an unknown sidewalk somewhere. Sleep soundly and undisturbed in an unknown bed. And then fly back home the following morning.

Hmmmm... Jetblue has a $39 special to the Bahamas each way. Damn that shit is tempting.

Is it obvious that I'm in desperate need of some quiet time?






Yes.

Yes it is.

Simply Scarves by Patty

My dear friend Patty decided this past year to express her craftiness by creating gorgeous handcrafted scarves. Each one is truly unique, handmade specifically to the customers liking... delivering her own translation of your likes of textures and colors into these beautiful scarves. She made one for me that I absolutely cherish... let her do the same for you! You will not be disappointed!

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